While some things do not survive here, like trees that I manage to kill, other things thrive, like wild animals. The latest addition to my house: a hive of bees. Buzz buzz.
I noticed a a handful of bees flying around outside a few days ago, but they went away. I figured they found my porch a bad location for their condo community. Then I found 50 dead bees in my bathroom yesterday, and a few more in the bedroom today. OH MY GOD! The BEES are IN the HOUSE!!! Once I found the massive die off, I knew it was time to call a professional, as in I am not buying some cans of raid and hunting down this hive myself. No way, no how, hell no, etc..., etc..., etc...
Sound the trumpets, roll out the red carpet, greet the king of extermination as he arrives on his trusty steed to slay the dragon...or the bees. I gave him a quick reenactment of the past few days, including the screams and fake fainting as I demonstrated where I found the dead bees. He checked all around and found a few places he will seal up for future bee prevention, but we didn't find any sign of a hive in the walls.
We did a quick check around part of the outside and discovered a bat (yikes!), a few places where we will do rodent abatement, and not much else. Honestly, the bat became my main concern given that bats are terrifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they eat insects. Great. Unless they are going to take out thousands of bees like they are chowing down at the great insect buffet, I'm not interested in having a bat, even if he is only here for a little while before he moves to warmer weather.
Sir Exterminator, the knight of insect destruction, sprayed along the doors and baseboards inside so I could get rid of some of the more benign critters like centipedes, scorpions, and spiders (yes, I did just call all of those horrible things benign...compared to a hive of africanized bees that have dreams at night of killing all happiness in the world, then scorpions become cute, cuddly family pets). We arranged for him to come back tomorrow when he has more time so he could spray and seal up spots outside. Great...napalm the insects. I'm good with that. While you are at it, pack up that bat and take it home with you, dude.
No sooner had he left the house than I noticed some bees strangely flying outside of a window in my bathroom. They weren't there 10 minutes before when the exterminator was here. Sneaky bees. I leaned closer to the glass and looked to the left to find a HUGE HIVE OF BEES LIVING ON MY FREAKING HOUSE ! (cue blood curdling scream).
I called him back and warned him about the hive. What an unlucky surprise that would have been for him walking around outside.... "la la la. I'm walking around outside. la la la AAAAAAAA. I'm covered in bees!" He said he would attack the problem tomorrow. I hope the problem doesn't attack back.
In the meantime, I've been warned that by the morning, my house should look something like an insect slaughterhouse. It seems that all those benign things like scorpions and centipedes will come out tonight, walk across the spray areas, and die. Great. It will only remind me that horrible things creep and crawl around my house while I sleep. WHILE I SLEEP!!!! Do you understand the creep out ramifications of that? I could die.
Even though it has only been a few hours, I have found two spiders...one huge unknown spider and one tarantula. Of course they were both on the counter tops. They must have sensed the spray and moved to higher ground. Only at my house would the spiders outsmart the insect spray. You know what else is located higher than the insect spray along the baseboards? My bed. That's what.
I am itchy and feel like I'm covered in bees and tarantulas and scorpions and bats. What a crazy day.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
RIP Tree and Other News
A moment of silence for the pine tree mentioned in my previous post........... To ease our period of mourning, Wonder Jim came and cut it down. It is but a memory and a stump in the yard. Now I am tree shopping for something leafy and prone to awesome canopy. I put out a few suggestions to my yard guru, but they were all shot down.
Magnolia? "Allison, those are tricky." Translation: you will kill it.
Maple? "This is not Virginia." Translation: you will kill it.
Cottonwood? "It needs water. Lots of water." Translation: you will kill it.
So on and so forth and so on again. All with the same answer: you will kill it.
So, it looks like I will most likely be getting an Arizona Ash Tree. They are Allison Proof, for the most part, and it isn't yet another mesquite tree of which I have about a million. I'm sure, with minimal effort on my part, I will kill it. Poor thing isn't even purchased yet, and it's already in trouble.
Other news...I bought a leaf blower. For those of you unfamiliar with a leaf blower, it's like a rake for really lazy people. Someone designed a leaf blower just for me. A little known fact about leaf blowers, though, is it does take some skill to actually use the darn thing. If you aren't careful, all the blowing debris and leaves and dirt can actually end up behind you, and that is not the intended result of moving the stuff forward and over the cliff behind my house. Another little known fact...they aren't really as fun to use as one would think. Even so, it's not a rake. For that, I am thankful.
Hmmm...any other house news? Oh, I have done some preliminary calculations, and I have discovered that it is actually impossible to complete home projects, clean a house, do laundry, maintain a pool, keep the yard clean, go to work, walk the dogs, AND still get sleep given the limited amount of time in a day and given our limited amount of time on this earth assuming an average person has a lifespan of 75 years. So, I have decided to stop cleaning. I have eliminated keeping the yard completely clean. I half-ass home projects. I buy new underwear to keep from doing laundry as frequently as before. All of these cuts will still enable me to walk the dogs, work, sleep, and take great naps during the weekend.
Last but not least....I have moved the bed back into the bedroom. No more living room camp outs for me and the dogs. That doesn't mean I have actually put in the new floor. Nope. I am living on the concrete slap. It does mean I got tired of waking up looking at the mountains out the window. I felt like I had a huge hill to climb every single freaking day. Now I look out at the valley. It's all down hill and smooth sailing for me. My psyche thanked me greatly.
Magnolia? "Allison, those are tricky." Translation: you will kill it.
Maple? "This is not Virginia." Translation: you will kill it.
Cottonwood? "It needs water. Lots of water." Translation: you will kill it.
So on and so forth and so on again. All with the same answer: you will kill it.
So, it looks like I will most likely be getting an Arizona Ash Tree. They are Allison Proof, for the most part, and it isn't yet another mesquite tree of which I have about a million. I'm sure, with minimal effort on my part, I will kill it. Poor thing isn't even purchased yet, and it's already in trouble.
Other news...I bought a leaf blower. For those of you unfamiliar with a leaf blower, it's like a rake for really lazy people. Someone designed a leaf blower just for me. A little known fact about leaf blowers, though, is it does take some skill to actually use the darn thing. If you aren't careful, all the blowing debris and leaves and dirt can actually end up behind you, and that is not the intended result of moving the stuff forward and over the cliff behind my house. Another little known fact...they aren't really as fun to use as one would think. Even so, it's not a rake. For that, I am thankful.
Hmmm...any other house news? Oh, I have done some preliminary calculations, and I have discovered that it is actually impossible to complete home projects, clean a house, do laundry, maintain a pool, keep the yard clean, go to work, walk the dogs, AND still get sleep given the limited amount of time in a day and given our limited amount of time on this earth assuming an average person has a lifespan of 75 years. So, I have decided to stop cleaning. I have eliminated keeping the yard completely clean. I half-ass home projects. I buy new underwear to keep from doing laundry as frequently as before. All of these cuts will still enable me to walk the dogs, work, sleep, and take great naps during the weekend.
Last but not least....I have moved the bed back into the bedroom. No more living room camp outs for me and the dogs. That doesn't mean I have actually put in the new floor. Nope. I am living on the concrete slap. It does mean I got tired of waking up looking at the mountains out the window. I felt like I had a huge hill to climb every single freaking day. Now I look out at the valley. It's all down hill and smooth sailing for me. My psyche thanked me greatly.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Blogging Failure. Clearly.
Well everyone, it seems that my last update was in March. How did the captain of the Starship Enterprise come up with something to record every single day? Honestly? "Today we flew through space some. It was dark mostly. There were some stars out." They couldn't have woken up and gotten more than they bargained for every single flipping day, could they?
I mean obviously we wouldn't have watched an episode of the many hundreds of humdrum days in space, so that is the excuse I am using for why I haven't posted anything since March. Nothing has changed at my house, really. I am still camped out in the living room because I haven't installed the tile in the bedroom. To be honest, I haven't even purchased the tile. It's overwhelming with all the choices and sizes and grout colors, yadda, yadda, yadda. Plus I have to be in town the same weekend that my expert tile friend is going to be in town, and our schedules have been nuts.
I did purchase an automatic pool vacuum. His name is "Sand Shark", and he chugs around my pool during the day sweeping up debris that I could sweep up if I were so inclined to use a manual vacuum. I am not so inclined.
I also purchased 4 bags or mortar that are sitting in my garage. They will ultimately be used to fix the patio around my pool and to set the flag stones that I have. Ultimately....that is such a vague word meaning that I hope to get to it before the end of the world.
On a sad note, I believe I have killed my huge, wonderful pine tree. My yard expert said it could have been a disease because it died so quickly. He obviously has not heard of "Allison Black Thumb". My luck with plants really does mean that I could have inadvertently killed the tree that quickly. I was told to water him to high heaven to see if we could bring him back. Cross your fingers!
OH MY GOODNESS! I can't believe I forgot to mention my crowning achievement. I finished the drywall in the bedroom and painted it brown with a blue accent wall. I must have forgotten all about it since I still don't actually go to bed in my bedroom. I may have also damaged a few brain cells painting and repainting the room, making it more difficult for me to recall recent events. So, there....I have done something. I have pondered doing other somethings. I will forever procrastinate a few other somethings.
Now that I need to start updating this blog more, I need to actually start doing things at my house and stop being a slacker.
I mean obviously we wouldn't have watched an episode of the many hundreds of humdrum days in space, so that is the excuse I am using for why I haven't posted anything since March. Nothing has changed at my house, really. I am still camped out in the living room because I haven't installed the tile in the bedroom. To be honest, I haven't even purchased the tile. It's overwhelming with all the choices and sizes and grout colors, yadda, yadda, yadda. Plus I have to be in town the same weekend that my expert tile friend is going to be in town, and our schedules have been nuts.
I did purchase an automatic pool vacuum. His name is "Sand Shark", and he chugs around my pool during the day sweeping up debris that I could sweep up if I were so inclined to use a manual vacuum. I am not so inclined.
I also purchased 4 bags or mortar that are sitting in my garage. They will ultimately be used to fix the patio around my pool and to set the flag stones that I have. Ultimately....that is such a vague word meaning that I hope to get to it before the end of the world.
On a sad note, I believe I have killed my huge, wonderful pine tree. My yard expert said it could have been a disease because it died so quickly. He obviously has not heard of "Allison Black Thumb". My luck with plants really does mean that I could have inadvertently killed the tree that quickly. I was told to water him to high heaven to see if we could bring him back. Cross your fingers!
OH MY GOODNESS! I can't believe I forgot to mention my crowning achievement. I finished the drywall in the bedroom and painted it brown with a blue accent wall. I must have forgotten all about it since I still don't actually go to bed in my bedroom. I may have also damaged a few brain cells painting and repainting the room, making it more difficult for me to recall recent events. So, there....I have done something. I have pondered doing other somethings. I will forever procrastinate a few other somethings.
Now that I need to start updating this blog more, I need to actually start doing things at my house and stop being a slacker.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Welcome to the Machine
After many attempts, mostly unsuccessful, to remove the thinset from my floor after busting up tile, I have broken down and will rent a machine. Yes. A machine. This machine is designed to grind down the thinset with carbide bits so that I once again have a smooth concrete surface.
I have mostly resisted the machine idea, thinking instead that I would chip away at the alien spaceship thinset from hell with my trusty hammer and chisel. As much as I love my hammer and my new chisel, they just aren't getting the job done...at least in this century, and that's saying a lot since we are still early on in the century.
Tomorrow I will drive to Green Valley, where I have reserved the floor grinding machine of destiny. Evidently it's a big machine and will require two people to load it into my vehicle. That should be easy since I assume a person there will help me load it. The interesting part will be getting it out of the vehicle and into my house once I get home. Unless Bhodi and Myrtle get super motivated and decide to help, machine removal from the vehicle will have to get creative...or I will have to call someone in a fit of desperation.
I am hoping it grinds without jacking up the slab underneath the thinset. I am also hoping that the rental people are going to give me some kind of training on how to use the thing. If not, we're winging it, because I am sick of trying to figure out how to get this crap off my floor.
Sunday will be wallpaper removal and drywall fixing day. If anyone is bored, come on over to Octopus street.
I have mostly resisted the machine idea, thinking instead that I would chip away at the alien spaceship thinset from hell with my trusty hammer and chisel. As much as I love my hammer and my new chisel, they just aren't getting the job done...at least in this century, and that's saying a lot since we are still early on in the century.
Tomorrow I will drive to Green Valley, where I have reserved the floor grinding machine of destiny. Evidently it's a big machine and will require two people to load it into my vehicle. That should be easy since I assume a person there will help me load it. The interesting part will be getting it out of the vehicle and into my house once I get home. Unless Bhodi and Myrtle get super motivated and decide to help, machine removal from the vehicle will have to get creative...or I will have to call someone in a fit of desperation.
I am hoping it grinds without jacking up the slab underneath the thinset. I am also hoping that the rental people are going to give me some kind of training on how to use the thing. If not, we're winging it, because I am sick of trying to figure out how to get this crap off my floor.
Sunday will be wallpaper removal and drywall fixing day. If anyone is bored, come on over to Octopus street.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
It's Electric, Boggie Woggie Woggie
Keith Graham of Graham-Electric-fame is hanging out on Octopus Street today to try and make sense of the Medusa head of wires I have hanging from walls and the ceiling in the bedroom. As if my demolition tendencies haven't been productive enough, in addition to drywall destruction, I have also exposed lots of wires and outlets and the like.
In order to re-secure and place the wires, outlets, and switches, Keith and his trusty companion are taking down more drywall and busting holes where they are putting junction boxes. What have I gotten into? At least 4 hours of electrical work. That's what I have gotten into...oh, and lots of drywall repair. Let's not minimize the joy that will be drywall repair.
Unlike the plumber, who took a nosedive for the worst, Keith Graham and Graham Electric are still electricians to the gods. Seriously. It is shocking how nice they are. (sorry. I couldn't resist that little pun.)
In order to re-secure and place the wires, outlets, and switches, Keith and his trusty companion are taking down more drywall and busting holes where they are putting junction boxes. What have I gotten into? At least 4 hours of electrical work. That's what I have gotten into...oh, and lots of drywall repair. Let's not minimize the joy that will be drywall repair.
Unlike the plumber, who took a nosedive for the worst, Keith Graham and Graham Electric are still electricians to the gods. Seriously. It is shocking how nice they are. (sorry. I couldn't resist that little pun.)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tearing it all down
Thanks to the kindness of friends, I had a massive wallpaper removal day at the house, which also turned into a massive demolition party again. Raymond, Sean, and Kip succumbed to the siren song of free beer and food and spent more than 8 hours stripping wallpaper from the bedroom. Friends are the best, especially when you buy a home with wallpaper in the bedroom.
Kip also ripped out the stupid arch the former owners built into the doorway leading to the bathroom. Remember about 15 years ago when there was a shortage on nails? It was because the former owners purchased all the nails and used them in framing up the stupid arch. With a hammer, a crow bar, and lots of determination, Kip showed that arch who was boss! Woohooo!
So, now I have a bare concrete slab in the bedroom, walls that are mostly wallpaper free, exposed wiring and insulation on parts of the walls, and some drywall repairs to make. I just want to make sure I have it ALL stripped and bare and as destroyed as possible before I start to fix things.
Next update: selecting tile for the floor. Oh the agony!
Kip also ripped out the stupid arch the former owners built into the doorway leading to the bathroom. Remember about 15 years ago when there was a shortage on nails? It was because the former owners purchased all the nails and used them in framing up the stupid arch. With a hammer, a crow bar, and lots of determination, Kip showed that arch who was boss! Woohooo!
So, now I have a bare concrete slab in the bedroom, walls that are mostly wallpaper free, exposed wiring and insulation on parts of the walls, and some drywall repairs to make. I just want to make sure I have it ALL stripped and bare and as destroyed as possible before I start to fix things.
Next update: selecting tile for the floor. Oh the agony!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Demo Days Are Here Again
After the frozen and busted pipe fiasco, the wet carpet, the dripping ceiling, and all the fun that was associated with unexpected winter weather in Rio Rico, I have finally been home long enough to deal with the aftermath. On Sunday, Kip came over with his miniature truck and we tore out all kinds of things at the house. For starters, goodbye bedroom carpet. So long. See ya. Wouldn't want to be ya.
I also ripped out a stupid half wall, another stupid fake pocket door wall thingy, a cheesy arch in my bedroom doorway, and the crap floor in my master closet. Demo is cathartic. If you have something to tear apart, I highly recommend you do it. Today. It feels awesome.
So what that I am now sleeping on my bed in the living room. At least the fix-it process has started. Now if I could just get the insurance adjuster to show up to my house so I can start buying things to cover the concrete slab in the bedroom.
I also ripped out a stupid half wall, another stupid fake pocket door wall thingy, a cheesy arch in my bedroom doorway, and the crap floor in my master closet. Demo is cathartic. If you have something to tear apart, I highly recommend you do it. Today. It feels awesome.
So what that I am now sleeping on my bed in the living room. At least the fix-it process has started. Now if I could just get the insurance adjuster to show up to my house so I can start buying things to cover the concrete slab in the bedroom.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Plumber? We don't need to stinking plumber!
After my extended journey to house-camping-land, I have finally fixed the broken pipes at my house. I am glad the pipes were fixed before I really did get used to flushing toilets with a bucket and buying gallons of water to keep myself and the dogs hydrated.
At first I called the plumber. After he no-showed and refused to return phone calls, I took matters into my own hands....or rather, a friend of mine took pity on me and offered to help me fix the pipes. Yay for friend of mine! For those of you that are curious, yes...the plumber that flaked out on me is the same plumber who received rave reviews in previous posts here.
So, because my dreamy, pipe-fixing friend has know-how and power tools, we were able to change the pipes and return Octopus Street to the 21st Century.
At first I called the plumber. After he no-showed and refused to return phone calls, I took matters into my own hands....or rather, a friend of mine took pity on me and offered to help me fix the pipes. Yay for friend of mine! For those of you that are curious, yes...the plumber that flaked out on me is the same plumber who received rave reviews in previous posts here.
So, because my dreamy, pipe-fixing friend has know-how and power tools, we were able to change the pipes and return Octopus Street to the 21st Century.
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