Dumpsters Are a Girl's Best Friend

The person that said "diamonds are a girl's best friend" was smoking crack.  Diamonds are over-hyped, overpriced stones that don't do anything but sit on your finger or your ear or your neck.  Nope.  You can keep your diamonds. (unless it's one of those huge diamonds that I'm going to find at the dig-your-own diamond park in Arkansas, a diamond that's so rare and beautiful that I'll be rich for the rest of my days.)

Dumpsters, on the other hand, are the unsung heroes of the modern world.  Dumpsters do so much.

1. Dumpsters give you hope when the darkness of packing and home repair projects seems never-ending.
2. Dumpsters are a convenient place to throw away cumbersome items like a gas stove/pack rat den of iniquity that has been sitting in your garage since the day you moved into the house you never should have purchased because who the hell wants to own a house anyway...clearly not me.  Thanks.
3. Dumpsters give you the freedom to say goodbye to those ill-fitting, spider-encrusted rubber shoes that have been sitting on your front porch for three years because you put them on once, they made your feet sweat, and they were too tight on your fat calf because come on...who buys rubber shoes at Nordstrum rack besides skinny models who use them in photo shoots of playfully stomping through puddles in the rain with their perfect dogs and their rugged yet sensitive model boyfriends?
4. Dumpsters accept your dry-rotted garden hoses with no judgment about how many times you stepped over that hose and didn't stop to pick it up, turn on the faucet, and water the plants in your yard that were left to shrivel up and die in the Arizona sun.  No...a dumpster doesn't whisper "Plant killer" as you throw that hose away.  The dumpster understands.
5. Dumpsters are a vital component of my anger management program.  When I'm feeling angry, I manage it by spending an hour throwing things into the dumpster.  Broken glass? Dumpster doesn't mind.  Broken dreams? Throw them to the understanding dumpster.  
6. Who are we fooling? I could go on and on and on into infinity.  Dumpsters are my spirit animal in 2016.  They helped me find the way!!!!!!!

Are you rushing out to rent your own little slice of heaven yet?  If so, I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

I have about 2 more weeks of work at my house, and then that baby is going on the market. She's going to be beautiful.  New paint job inside and out, a total face life inside and out, new flooring, trees trimmed and cut back, and a sparkling, cleaned out garage....something the former owners didn't see fit to leave me.  Yes, I still curse them on a regular basis, but I enjoyed throwing away all the stuff they left in my garage.  Anger management.

It might look close to full, but there's tons more room left!