Why It's Problematic to Have Raisinettes in the House, a Guessing Game

Tonight after a dinner of cauliflower, sweet potato, and a lean hamburger patty, I couldn't resist cracking into my brand new movie theater-size box of milk chocolate raisinettes.

That's right. You read that right.  Raisinettes.  I can't help it that Nestle spells it wrong.

While I love this tasty little treat, I don't really love having them in the house.  I made a rare exception this weekend in a moment of weakness. Can you guess why I don't like having them in the house?

1. They are made with California raisins
2. They are bad for Taz
3. They make me fat and because they are soooo delicious I can't resist eating the whole box
4. All of the Above

If you guessed 4, guess again.  I wouldn't make it soooooooooo easy.

Still stumped?  If you guessed 1, that's wrong too.  I fully embrace the California raisin industry.  While I don't fully embrace the California Raisins a la Hardee's 1988, I do happen to know and like a few people that grow grapes.  While they might not grow raisins commercially, they are the precursor to raisins, so we're all good.  Plus, I'm not in a trade war with raisin people, so let's chill and make the California raisin people feel welcome.

If you guessed 3, you're really bad at guessing. I don't begrudge the rainsinettes my ample girth.  It has taken a bit more than a box of raisinettes to cultivate this lushious set of curves, folks. Haters gonna hate, but I suggest you don't hate on the raisinettes.  Plus, it's kind of like eating fruit, so technically raisinettes are healthy.  Chocolate is a super food.  SUPER FOOD! Would you hate on kombucha or chia or acai or cacao nubs? Of course you wouldn't, so let's not hate on the raisinettes, either.  Super food.  

That leaves us with number 2. I don't love having raisinettes in the house because they are little nuggets of poison covered poison for dogs.  The deadliness of chocolate sensually enveloping the life-ending raisin.  Yep.  I worry that I'll accidentally drop one and like a stealth ninja, Taz will be there to scoop it up before I can pick it up.  I used to eat them at work exclusively, but now that Taz goes to work too, it's just geography.  There's no safe space except for the movies!

So ultimately, raisinettes are awesome because I can go to the movies, get my own butter covered popcorn and box of raisinettes.  Life is beautiful, and the world is a wonderful place.

Returning from A Pilgrimage Across the Desert

I left my house at 7:15 this morning to drive across the vast and open desert to Yuma, Arizona.  It was a trip to pay respects and say goodbye to this really amazing human being who left this earth too soon, William Brooks.  This four hour drive across some pretty rural areas of the state...it just felt like the right thing to do to say goodbye.  We were making the pilgrimage, the effort, the intentional journey because Will mattered a lot, and this was a small step to paying the debt for having known someone so worthy.  It was the least we could do, and still it wasn't enough. What is, really? What is enough to honor someone?  I guess that's something we all answer in our own way. 

I rode with another friend of Will's, Bruce Bracker, and along the way, in the midst of talking about life and work and mutual friends and the goings on in our county, we would talk about Will and what an amazing person he was.  It can't be said enough.  He was humble and kind and so, so smart.  He was a true leader in that he cared for the people who worked for him and helped them be the best versions of themselves.  You could see it in how they respected Will.  He was welcoming and funny and always had a smile.  He was innovative, and I'm not exaggerating when I say he changed the world and how Customs and Border Protection operates at our ports of entry.  He changed the world, and that was just one small part of his big, big legacy. 

The room was full of all these blue uniforms of people he worked with at CBP. It was also full of all these people that weren't related to Customs at all.  They were Will's civilian friends and family, if you will.  I knew Uniform Will having gotten to know him through his leadership at CBP.  These other people knew the kicked back, flip flop, hunting and fishing Will.  The friend and father and brother and husband.  It was interesting to see both of these worlds coming together, and each and everyone there described Will in many of the same ways: humble, smart, funny, honorable, innovative.  He walked the walk no matter if he was at work or spending time with his loved ones. 

I was speaking with a close friend at the service, and I asked how everyone was doing in the Field Office after Will's passing.  She said all they can do is live up to his example, and it was such a good example to follow.  Our "What Would Will Do" moments are perhaps a small tribute to his legacy.  So, in moments of struggle or in trying to decide how to handle certain situations, I'll try to ask myself how Will would handle it.  How do you honor and value the people around you, how do you solve problems, make people feel noticed, lead, innovate, and have the utmost integrity while doing all of that? I'm sure I won't be close to Will's example, but if I head at least in that general direction, I don't see how I could go wrong. 

Safe travels, Will.  Thank you for being someone to look up to.  I'm glad that Bruce and I could make the journey today to say goodbye and honor your legacy. 

Airport Shenanigans, Whole 30 Beyond the Whole 30, and Welcome to Chicago

Ok.  We will get the Whole30 discussion out of the way first.  My first Whole 30 went well for the most part, even though I didn't lose weight.  I still felt better and noticed benefits to my health that go beyond weight loss.  And truthfully, it was probably closer to a successful Whole28.  F-ing donuts.

Now I'm 12 days into my second Whole 30.  I have probably been 80 percent complaint.  I traveled two days to PHX, and now I'm in Chicago for four days.  Sigh...travel is a real challenge for me still.  I also still haven't given up all fruit. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP MY FRUIT! And that's a clear sign that I need to give it up.  "My precious....don't make me give up my precious!" I'm not quite as bad as Smeagul from Lord of the Rings, but I'm close.

I arrived in Chicago today for a work gig.  It will be busy and annoyingly hard to eat well when I'm in meetings and on the go.  Tonight I went and bought some apples, I packed some compliant bars and almond butter, and I also have a baggy of pumpkin seeds.  That should help in a pinch, but my meals are probably not going to be perfect. Lunch today was a sandwich.  Not great.  Dinner was salmon and green beans...better.  Of course those fig newtons I had for dessert didn't do me any favors.

My goal for this trip is to make more better decisions than bad and try to have two compliant meals a day.  We will see how it goes.

I am still avoiding legumes and dairy, for the record.  There might have been a bit of butter on the green beans tonight, but not a ton.  There was probably some added sugar in the marinade for the fish, I had a sandwich and fig newtons.... Still, I am avoiding legumes and dairy minus the very rare instances of butter in things.  I might eat the occasional sandwich or fig newton, but I gotta draw the line somewhere!

And this leads me to airport shenanigans.  It was so odd that I have to share.  I had to leave for Chicago on a 5:30 am flight.  That means I had to get up at 2:00 am, get ready, feed and take Taz out, feed cats, etc.... and still leave the house by 3:30 am to get to Tucson by 4:30 am.  When it's that early, my body isn't quite all the way awake, you know?  I'm functioning, but certain functions aren't quite all systems go.

After an hour drive, when I arrive at the airport around the time I would normally be waking up, my guts decided to wake up and greet the day too.  Yep.  I had to go to the bathroom, and I was on a mission.  Thank goodness I was parking at the airport when my guts decided it was time to go, but for the record, I guess I DID have a suitcase full of clean clothes in case there had been a major catastrophe (like my last bathroom story that involved me walking in the middle of nowhere along the train tracks.  I digress.) 

If you aren't familiar with the Tucson airport, there is the perfect bathroom for a 4:30 am bowel movement.  It's downstairs, right where you enter the airport, nestled in the back wall of the baggage claim area.  There aren't ANY people in the baggage claim area at 4:30 am.  It would just be me, some privacy, and a morning constitutional.

I'm walking pretty fast from the car into the airport, because there really is no time to dawdle.  Plus, there is this weird psychological phenomenon that dictates that the closer you get to the bathroom, the more you really gotta go to the bathroom. Walk, walk, walk, walk...focus, focus, focus, focus.

I walked into the bathroom to see three people at the sinks.  WHAT?! How dare they be in my public airport bathroom! Oh well, there was no time to change course now.  I initially thought they were in the process of clearing out anyway.  I mean, come on! They were at the sinks! Wash up and get out already!

Except this wasn't any normal bathroom stop for this crew.  Two older ladies were traveling with a kid who might have been 10 or 12 years old, and from what I could gather, this little girl was in the middle of a hysterical crying fit.

At first I thought something awful had happened to her.  She's sobbing, and the main woman in charge kept saying, "It's ok.  She's ok.  She's safe and sound," as I'm trying to be as quiet as possible but it's not working out so well.  ppfffftttttt.

Oh my gosh! Something awful happened to this kid, and she's going to remember some woman in the bathroom letting er rip.  Seriously? Is this my life?  pppfffffttttt.  Evidently.  The problem with an almost-empty bathroom is there isn't enough background noise to disguise what you're up to in the stall.  In a busy bathroom there are lots of flushing sounds, sinks running, people talking, etc... and you can almost be disguised. In an almost-empty bathroom, sound carries, and EVERYONE knows it was you.  You either want a super crowded bathroom or one that is completely empty.  I had the worst case scenario.

The main woman keeps saying, "It's ok.  She's safe and sound," in a loud voice.  "You're just stressed, but it's ok.  Safe and sound."  I am so sorry I'm pooting it up while you comfort your granddaughter that probably had to bury her mother or her best friend from school or her other grandmother.  The way she is wailing, something profoundly awful has happened in this family.  My god.  I'm an awful person having a big pooh through their misery and sorrow. 

Then she starts saying that the cab driver will be there soon, and they can get the stuffed item out of the cab that the girl left behind.  I'm stuck in this public bathroom with the crying girl and her weird family because of a stuffed doll left in a cab????!!  All bets were off.   ppppffffffhhhhttttttttt.  ppphhhhfftt pppttttfffpppp.

This weird situation continues for another minute as the woman is still chanting, "It's ok.  Safe and sound.  Safe and sound."  After a few repetitions of this, she starts whispering the same thing.  It's creepy,  "Safe and sound. saaaaffeeeeee and sound."

And my guts give one last final, "pppfffftttttttt...."

The other woman starts saying, "Think calming thoughts.  Calming thoughts" while lady one continues her "Safe and sound" mantra.  These people are killing me!!!!  The kids starts to get her hysterical sobbing under control, and I start thinking, "Can you please leave now so I can exit this stall, wash my hands, and carry on with my day without having to face you weirdos?"

No.  No they couldn't.   No. Such. Luck.  So, I walk out, look at all three of them, wash my hands, and proceed to go and check in for my flight.  Safe and sound.  I'm safe and sound. 

Day 28 and 29 of the Whole30. Getting Ready to Do it Again in June.

Day 28 and 29 were ok.  I went to a cookout yesterday and stuck to the basics.  Hotdog, hamburger, no buns. I brought roasted fingerling potatoes, which were good.  I also had a bunch of watermelon, but since I'm still eating fruit through tomorrow, I didn't sweat it too much.  I did have coleslaw which had mayo that probably wasn't compliant.  If that was the worst of day 28, I'll take it.

Today I did fine.  I had normal breakfast, a post-swim snack of roast beef and potatoes, and hotdogs and zucchini for dinner.  I went to Green Valley with Taz to buy dog food, and on the way home, I got hungry.....hungry for something delicious, which doesn't exist in Green Valley.  I was able to resist the lure of the McDonald's filet-o-fish, which is just about the only fast food item I can stand to eat.  The trick was just to keep driving for home, no detours, no thoughts of stopping. 

I just finished reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.  It's about overcoming Resistance.  Early in the book he writes, "Most of us have two lives.  The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance."

Resistance manifests itself in a myriad of ways and is the fear that blocks you from being your true self.  The book is fantastic and applies to people's lives in many situations, whether you want to be a writer, an artist, a doctor, a parent, or whether you want to accomplish something like sticking to a goal to lose weight or climbing a mountain.

In addition to talking about the Resistance, the book talks about ways to beat Resistance.  He also talks about the fact that when you take steps to beat Resistance, to live your true life, the Universe conspires to help you fulfill that dream.

It's a quick read, about 2 hours.  Check it out if you're so inclined.  I plan to read it again.

Tomorrow is Day 30 of my first month of Whole30-ing.  I'll just keep going straight through into June.  Yesterday I made a pot roast.  I was expecting it to be all tender and fall-aparty.  Yeah...uhm, that didn't happen.  My friend Michelle tells me my cut of meat was all wrong for fatty bombalatte pull-aparty happiness. So, I have sliced roast beef which is fine but not exactly what I wanted.  I also have some leftover spaghetti sauce and zucchini, polish sausages, some chicken breasts, and broccoli that will be meals until Thursday.  Then, I leave for a night in Phoenix for a conference.  An overnight away from home while on the Whole30.  My plans for compliance include hamburgers with no bun and salads without cheese and creamy dressings.  I'll pack some pumpkin seeds and some packs of almond butter in case I get in a jam and need a snack. This will be my first foray into Whole 30 and overnight traveling.

Hopefully the brief jaunt to Phoenix prepares me for later in June when I have to go to Chicago for a food show.  You might know Chicago...home of some delicious pizza, Italian food, Greek food, steaks (which will be compliant technically), and all kinds of other foods I won't be eating.

I'm not gonna lie.  Chicago is going to be hard, especially because it includes flying.  Something about flying and airports makes me insanely hungry.  I have to have a meal and a snack and another meal and some plane snacks to go with all the plane snacks I bought and then some more meal action.  It's ridiculous.  When I have a long day of flying somewhere, I feel like all I do is have meals.  So.....any suggestions to deal with that, aside from wiring my mouth shut, are welcome.

On that note, it's time for tooth brushing and bed. 

Day 25, 26, and 27 of the Whole30. We Were Off the Rails and Found the Rails Again

Well, I'm almost finished with the first 30 days of my double Whole30 experiment.  I went off the rails on the 25th in the mid-afternoon.  I was back on track by the next morning, and then had a sandwich for lunch on the 26th.  Yep.  A sandwich.  I was in Tucson, I felt crummy, I was hungry, and I had a chicken salad sandwich with a side salad.  Oh, and a piece of carrot cake for dessert.  Whoops.  I'm still vulnerable to the sugar dragon, which is making me rethink some things for the next 30 days. 

I managed to right the ship again today.  I had to go back to Tucson to have my car service, and I went to the BBQ place next door.  I had some brisket, green beans, and a baked potato for lunch.  There was probably butter on the green beans, but if that's my biggest crime, I'll take it.

Tomorrow I'm going to a cookout, so I'll take some compliant hotdogs to grill.  I'm also going to roast some fingerling potatoes in garlic and olive oil, and I'll take a mini-watermelon.  That way I know there will be things there I can eat.

Tonight I cooked spaghetti sauce using ground turkey.  I used a tomato sauce without sugar called Rao's.  It was good.  I had also used their pizza sauce for the pepperoni egg cups I made.  I ate the sauce over sauteed zucchini, which is my new favorite thing when I want something like spaghetti.  It's really good, actually, and I don't miss the pasta at all.

I am also going to cook some chicken and vegetables this week, and I'll make a pot roast in the crock pot.  My go-to vegetables this week (and most weeks) are zucchini, spinach, and broccoli. I also bought a head of Napa cabbage to make a salad.  I needed something different to mix it up a bit. There is this delicious Napa cabbage salad where you toast crunched up ramen noodles, sesame seeds, and almonds with a stick of butter. You mix that with the cabbage and douse the whole thing with a balsamic vinegar dressing, and it's divine.  I'll be skipping the crunched up ramen and butter concoction and the sweetened balsamic dressing, but it will still be good with a regular balsamic dressing.

That's where I am so far. Why did I have a meltdown on 25 and 26? Emotional eating, stress, not feeling well, being depressed about the fact that things aren't always easy.  The usual reasons.  I am reinforcing myself by continuing to plan my attack for the coming week. I am also going to make a few changes for next month.

Right now I'm eating one or two servings of fruit a day, usually with some kind of nut butter.  Also, if I need a snack, sometimes I'm eating Larabars.  They are compliant, but they contain cashews and dates.  I think the dates and the fruit keep my sugar dragon going strong, leaving me wanting donuts or carrot cake or 700 muffins. I've eliminated all the added sugar foods.  Maybe be dialing back on the foods higher in naturally occurring sugar, that will help.  All we can do it give it a shot.

I'm afraid I have nothing else for today.  No words of wisdom or deep thoughts about this journey.  I'm just tired and trying to maintain some resolve.

Day 23 and 24 at Whole30 Village, and More Purging at the Homestead

Day 23, also known as yesterday, was ok. We had fajitas brought in to work during a meeting, so I was able to eat lunch at work and be on track.  I had the last of taco dinner for several weeks, please for the love of all that is holy! I've officially had too many lettuce leaf tacos.  My friends Robert and Karyn also brought me Honeycrisp apples!  How thoughtful! I sent Robert home with one of the Pink Lady apples I didn't care for.  He said, "Why do you want to send me home with nasty apples?"  I needed someone else to eat one and verify for me that they aren't delicious as far as apples go!!!! So, if you try an apple soon, remember the variety and send a note about what you thought. 

Day 24, that's today in case you were wondering....Today was a different story on the work front pertaining to food.  We had a 6 hour training session, and our lunch option was Italian food, or Eye-talian.  On the menu: Pasta with cream sauce, bread, bread, bread, pasta, pasta, pasta, cream sauce, and a salad.  I have zucchini and asparagus at work, but they are not cooked yet. Those won't work as a vegetable because I wouldn't have time to saute them during the lunch break.  So I packed in the last of the egg cups I made on Sunday and some steamed broccoli. It all heats up in the microwave in a jiffy.

Around 11:45 I was starving.  Where the heck was the restaurant with the catered lunch for 50 people? A quick phone call to see why they were late, and they let us know they had forgotten about the order completely. AAAAAAAAA.  Everyone else had snacks to choose from....candy, granola bars, muffins, and fruit.  I had reached my fruit quota, I had some pumpkin seeds earlier, and I wanted lunch.  I wasn't going to heat up my lunch and eat while 49 other people had to tough it out in the training session, so I put on my big girl pants and waited along with everyone else.  They finally arrived at 1:00 with the food, averting mutiny in the office.

Tonight was either going to be fish or hotdogs.  I opted for hotdogs because I just didn't have the energy to cook fish today.  That will have to be tomorrow's dinner.

I stopped at the mailbox today, and I had a package!!! Oh boy! What could it be??  There is something so exciting about a package! Was it a gift? Did I order something I forgot about? Oh yay, oh yay, oh yay!

Turns out it was an empty box.  It wasn't the most exciting thing I've ever gotten, but it was the empty box from DirectTV so I could send back their receiver.  Sweet cable freedom! You see, I cancelled my cable/satellite/whateveryoucallit FINALLY!  Why was I paying for it for so long when I haven't really watched television in months?  I might have turned on my TV once or twice in the last month.  It was time to cut the cable once and for all.

The next thing I will be donating is my television and DVD player if someone will take it.  This is my 19 inch Zenith tube television that I got from Grandmama just before I moved out here.  It made the journey from Virginia to Tucson to Nogales to Rio Rico.  I have had this television for 17 years.  It has one input/output jack which makes it challenging to hook up devices and cable now.  For the first time in my life, I will be without a television, and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Now if I could just purge the tire that has settled around my gut! Grrrr.  I'm frustrated that my weight continues to stay steady.  Yes, the Whole30 says not to weigh yourself. You're supposed to think of your non-scale victories, like feeling better, sleeping better, having healthier skin and nails, feeling less anxious, blah, blah de blahdeblah.  Those things are all great, but see, I ALSO need to lose pounds.  Real, honest to god pounds.  Seriously.

Actually, that reminds me of something I read once.  You're not supposed to say you want to lose weight.  You mentally look for things you lose. You don't want to find that weight again.  So, you're supposed to say you want to "release weight."  You're letting it go to fly free into the stratosphere.  "Be free, Weight! Fly away! I release you! Don't come back!" and then you close the door, change the locks, and dig a moat around your house so the weight can't come home again. 

In the book by Marie Kondo, "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up," you are supposed to thank the belongings you get rid of for serving their purpose and then you release them.  Here goes.  "Dear Fat, Thanks for keeping me warm, buoyant, squishy, and better able to survive in a natural disaster by living off my fat stores.  Thank you for making me an extra 38 percent funny because funny was the next best gateway to life when I wouldn't fit through the 'thin and beautiful' gateway. While we have had a long, complicated relationship, I feel it is time we move on now. Safe journeys.  Peace out.  Yes, I am going to put alligators in the moat, so don't think of coming back. Thanks from the skinny person hiding inside of you for all these years."   

We will see how it goes now that I'm watching my fruit intake.  I think my sugar dragon has been better in control with that change.  Instead of being a full grown, man-eating sugar dragon, I have a tiny, baby sugar dragon.

So, that's where I am today.  I have a four day weekend coming up starting on Friday! Woohoo!  So I need to plan a few things to cook to carry me through the weekend and into next week.  Ideas on a good dish to make?  

Day 22. Whole30 Déjà Vu, Tacos Again.

In the words of the great philosopher, Kris Kristofferson, the devil haunts a hungry [wo]man.  I am usually haunted.  An interesting aside about Mr. Kristofferson, he was a Golden Gloves boxer, a Rhodes scholar, a college football player, an acclaimed actor, a military officer, a helicopter pilot, and a Grammy-winner, just to name a few things on his resume. Also, he had a huge mental resurgence recently when he was finally diagnosed with Lyme disease, not the Alzheimer's they were treating him for. 

To keep the devil from haunting me with his box of donuts, I set out to have good meals that wouldn't leave me hungry.  I felt good and didn't want a mid-morning snack.  I was hungry by the time lunch rolled around, though.  I had a steak for lunch that I cooked on the grill at work.  Grills are revolutionary things! Especially gas grills!  You just turn a knob, push a button, and that sucker is fired up.  No lighting charcoal, waiting around, waiting too long, running out of fire, and having to start the process all over again.  It's nice having access to a grill, and while I'm tempted to buy one, I am content for the time being to keep using the one at work.  In addition to the steak, I also took a mountain of spinach and steamed it to end up with three bites of spinach. It constantly amazes me how much spinach shrinks when you cook it. I topped lunch off with a little bit of sweet potato.

For dinner, I had more ground beef that needed to be cooked, so I used half for more taco mix.  The other half is in the freezer.  I think I'll make a spaghetti sauce and eat it over zucchini.  That's for another day, however.  And I've just about reached my taco limit for this week, so I might freeze that in individual servings for another week. 

If you're keeping tabs on all the food and the order I should cycle through it, you are probably panicking that I've barely touched the tuna salad.  I'll have to eat that for breakfast tomorrow and again for dinner to try and use it while it's still in its prime.  Goodness knows no one wants to eat tuna salad past its prime.  I also have fish in the freezer that I need to cook as part of my challenge to "Eat the food in your freezer, why don't you?"

I have no great insights today, no profound analysis about life, and no secret to life.  Tomorrow is a new day, and I love apples. If you remember nothing else, remember that apples are delicious, especially the Honeycrisp apple.  The Pink Lady apple is just so so....a little too fuzzy in the flavor, not bright and crisp like the Honeycrisp.  Don't waste your time with a Red Delicious because they aren't delicious. The Opal is another delicious apple.  It's yellow, but don't let that turn you off.  Trust me on this.  I've been eating an apple a day for a while now.  And for you AZ folks, the Fry's has a better selection of apples right now than Safeway.

Peace out people.